The Story of a Man Named Stanley
by EmployeeNo432
Summary: This is the story of a man named Stanley
1. The Story of a Man Named Stanley

This is the story of a man named Stanley.

Stanley worked for a Company in a big building where he was employee number Four Two Seven. Employee number Four Two Seven's job was simple – he sat at his desk in Room Four Two Seven and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk, telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what employee Four Two Seven every day of every month of every year. And although others might have considered it soul-rending, Stanley relished every moment that the orders came in. As though he had been made exactly for this job.

And Stanley was happy.

And then one day something very peculiar happened. Something that would forever change Stanley. Something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realized that not one single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow. No one had showed up to give Stanley instructions, call a meeting, or even say 'Hi'. Never in all his years at The Company had this happened – this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Stanley found himself unable to move for the longest time. But, as he came to his wits and regained his senses, Stanley began to notice something even more peculiar.

Aha! There it was! There _had_ been something on his monitor! Oh Stanley felt so relieved and elated to finally receive instructions just as he always had! Perhaps Stanley's boss would be coming by for an Employee Compliance Evaluation and notice how patient Stanley had been, awaiting his instructions. Perhaps Stanley would even be up for that promotion that he had heard employee Four Three Two talking about in the Employee Lounge.

That would make Stanley very happy.

Employee Four Two Seven leaned forward to read his first instructions of the workday, when –

Oh.

Oh dear.

Well these weren't _instructions at all_ on Stanley's monitor! These… these were just… _words_. _Words?!_

And my Word, these didn't give Stanley any bloody indication that he was to be doing anything but just sitting there in his office, like a bump on a log!

Well goodness, what kind of story will this be if Stanley isn't given any instructions?!

Stanley grew increasingly frustrated until The Narrator finally had an idea.

If only there could be something. Some sort of _button_ that Stanley could push, to advance the story somehow. Stanley was very good at pushing buttons, and thought himself a bit of an expert on the subject, if he was being honest with himself.

The Narrator saw a solution, and cleared his throat as he spoke:

Ahem.

_Stanley pressed the button to read the next chapter._


	2. The Continued Story of Stanley

Aha, yes, yeeees! Now we're talking, aren't we Stanley? Yes, now we're in business! Stanley felt whole once more. Yes, how wonderful it felt, to be pushing buttons again, just as he always had. This had all been quite an ordeal for Stanley, what with being left without instructions for so long. Stanley never had been good at being independent.

Making _choices_.

Just thinking about it made Stanley uneasy. Stanley decided he would no longer dwell on it. It really was quite stressful and overwhelming. Why, how would Stanley be able to pass his Employee Compliance Evaluation if he was mulling about every second of every single second of every hour of every day thinking about choices?!

Stanley decided it was a much better use of his time to continue pushing buttons. It was a much more fulfilling and gratifying use of his time.

Don't you think, Stanley?

_Stanley pushed the button and proceeded to read the next chapter. _


	3. Stanley's Employee Compliance Evaluation

Good, good, Stanley! You know, I think I might have just heard your bosses coming by. And I have it on good authority that they were just discussing how well you push your buttons. You had gotten a four-star rating on keystroke fluidity, and your mouse-precision was top notch, if I do say so myself.

Oh, Stanley – you won't tell your bosses that I had told you this, will you? I'm not sure if I was supposed to, and I'd hate for them to become cross with me.

Thank you, Stanley! I'll be sure to put in a good word for you if one of the executives asks me to complete an Employee Compliance Peer-Evaluation.

Well I do believe that about does it for today's work, Stanley. Goodness, doesn't time just fly by when you're pushing buttons?

Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Stanley. I do hope you have a good evening.


	4. Mouse Imprecision

Stanley had pressed the button, even though the Narrator had not told him to do so. Clearly, Stanley just must have made some error. Perhaps his mouse-precision wasn't as top-notch as The Narrator had originally thought. The Narrator made a mental note to approach Stanley's bosses about it in the morning.

Stanley went home, and stopped pushing buttons until tomorrow.


	5. The Chapter In Which Stanley Goes Home

….

…

Stanley?

You're still here?

Stanley, what on Earth are you doing?

The workday is _over_, Stanley. You can go home.

…

…

…

Go on.

I'll see you _tomorrow_

The Narrator bid Stanley a good night, and Stanley went home to his beautiful wife, who missed him quite terribly. Stanley didn't want to keep her waiting. It was their anniversary, after all.


	6. The Chapter In Which Stanley is Thick

Stanley didn't seem to be getting the message that The Narrator was trying to get across to him. Stanley also didn't seem too concerned with the fact that he was keeping his beautiful loving wife waiting at home.

Stanley it's your anniversary. Don't you want to go home to your wife? She's cooked your favorite.

You can't honestly tell me that you love _pushing buttons_ more than you love your wife, do you?

Clearly, Stanley wasn't feeling well, and having some of his wife's **INSERT FAVORITE FOOD HERE** would help Stanley feel better.

Perhaps it was possible to work too hard, even when you're an expert at pushing buttons, like employee Four Two Seven was.


End file.
